I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
