This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
