Sponge bath it is.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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