I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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