Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
