You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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