I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
In America we eat man semen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
