Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
