Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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