no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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