She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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