Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
