I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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