I hate all girls vehemently.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
