Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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