Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
