I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
