I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize