Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
