fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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