Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
