I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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