I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I believe in your delicious
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize