my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
