we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
