I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
