This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
