I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
