just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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