I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
