My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
