i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
