I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
