I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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