White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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