Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
