Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
