Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
