in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
