P.S. I can't hear my feet
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
