What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
