what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
