mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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