I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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