I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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