Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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