After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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