And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
