So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
