if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
