Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
