Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
