The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
