Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
