I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
