They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
