I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
