I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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