Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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