i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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