So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
