If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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