It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
