What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
