John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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