Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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