I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
