Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
