And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
