I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
