Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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