How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
