i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
