is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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